GAME, WORK, GAME, EAT, SLEEP, GAME
ClickOnyxDC Always on PlayStation®5, Always Rambling
Observations,mistrust chronicles and exploits
After over 6 months of crippling home renovation, no home office, and no gaming station I finally got my PS5 back and rapidly installed some of my favs.
A dopamine rush thanks to the God of War Ragnarök intro has me prepped for next weeks back to work, gaming and work.
Conclusion of not gaming for 3 months: It served no purposed and only made my anxious.
Like a sponge, I absorb all the things that are wrong in a situation. I become accountable by default and cannot shift the responsibility even though there are so many things clearly out of my influence. It’s a flawed personal trait which constantly damages me.
It’s amplified when I try to assist. Sometimes, I can find a solution and all is well but mostly things fall flat bringing me with it.
Solution: Normally, I’d dive into Div 1 or something and go shoot things in the face but for now the best is Isolation Mode with near zero human interaction.
Result: 12 hours later: Emotional state restored
With no PS5 gaming options available, my dopamine levels have clearly dropped and I’ve distracted myself with the occasional gym session. The other half hasn’t had the opportunity to nag about gaming so that’s a good thing
In the meantime, I’m oblivious to what’s happening in the gaming world except for an occasional Twitch peak. I’m holding onto a small piece of resentment as to how I ended up in this joy-less environment but for the most part, it’s freed up some thinking time with no more threat to work or home life.
It’s less than 30 days and I remain silent.
Stopping compulsion suddenly and without warning is not a good long-term tactic and experts tell us that the chances of relapse are extremely high.
Going against professional guidelines, after a 10-hour Division 1 Legendary Global event run, I’ve decided to go PS5 cold turkey for the rest of 2022. Yep, trying to drive recklessly, shot things in the face and solve Samurai mysteries is not going to improve my current state of real-world sadness.
So I delete/all, unplugged and stored the device in a plastic container labelled “Do Not Open until 2023”. Of course, I will dig it up like some buried treasure soon enough but for now, it’s Game Over.
…..my dopamine detox begins.
There is a surprising amount of help and support around the topic of gaming addiction and specific therapy in the UK via the NHS treating the addiction seriously and not labelling the Gamer as lazy or worthless. For me, like 60%+ of gamers, the attraction is escapism and avoidance of dealing with real-world unpleasant issues.
The sadder I am, the more intense I game and for longer. Admitting to being a lifelong gaming addict is not easy as its usually associated with children and people with some sort of neurological disorder. Does my Myasthenia Gravis condition trigger my compulsion?
The results of my personality test are in.
Personality type: Advocate (INFJ-T)
Traits: Introverted – 68%, Intuitive – 58%, Feeling – 59%, Judging – 63%, Turbulent – 72%
Role: Diplomat
Strategy: Constant Improvement
The Q&A was only 10min but revealed my current state of mind and perhaps but my dead-end of trying to please everyone and in the gaming world always needing to level up. Will the real ClickOnyx please stand up?
Saturday 10th September 2022: The temporary physical transfer of PS5 Ownership took place today and my Grand nephew is busy downloading Fortnite.
My first gym visit in 8 months and it feels it. My joints still work but I’m at Level 0 on my physical fitness scale.
Inspired by no hot water at home, sometimes these unintentional issues can boost you into positive change and I’m thankful. I’m the only one that can make the change as a testament to Michael’s Man in the Mirror, I’m making the change.
Being risk-averse doesn’t shield you from life flipping into an absolute nightmare in hours. Yes, it reduces the attack surface and allows you to create a little safety bubble but how safe is it really?
It is not publicly acceptable to “go dark” because tough to digitally trace. It also isolates your actual close friends and family as they rely on core apps like WhatsApp.
Digital minimalism is my goal but what is the path?
