Do you know something I don’t know?

It’s kinda worrying when a health workers turns up to your house after you’ve called medical services for a C-19 test.

I’m not panicking yet as at least this way I will know either way why I feel so bad over the past few days. Is it Myasthenia gravis kicking my ass again or something else?

Fear, paranoia and glitches

Like many Brits by birth, I’ve become accustomed to my democratic privacy. I enjoy free movement across borders without much hassle.

Enter The Dragon

Since a kid, I’ve been fascinated with Chinese culture so it’s actually awesome to be finally going there as 40+ years later. It becomes apparent at the Visa application stage how controlling the authorities are and this is made worst with media coverage of official spyware install by immigration…WTF and I have to pay for the privilege of a Visa. Having an assumption of my privacy rights does not help my situation and so my anxiety level rise and hello Mr Myasthenia.

So what’s in my toolkit?

  • Linux Tails iPad
  • new iCloud account
  • New Facebook account for self tracking ….and a few encrypted devices.

…but essentially, I’ll be offline as much as possible.

My top 5 Barriers to China

  1. You have to scan and upload your picture. This is easy enough but not everyone has a decent document scanner or knows how to use it.
  2. Confirmed hotel booking…maybe I just want to be free and last minute. Nope, this is not an option.
  3. Form filling 10 pages of personal data..This is Your Life
  4. Appointment in person…2-3 hours if you are lucky
  5. Figuring out the geography…China is freaking massive. I will definitely get lost at some point.

I have no freaking idea what I’m getting into but hey, it’s just another level.

Tom Clancy’s The Division 2 – intentional glitch?

Struggling to wake up

It’s been over eight years since I last played HEAVY RAIN™, my PS3 failed for some unknown technical reason and I never finished the game.  No saved game back-up, no real motivation to play the game again…until now.

Thanks to PS Plus the game is now free for subscribers and the 30GB+ game now sits nicely on my drive ready to go.

Lately, my fatigue has been getting deeper and longer, I think I’m worrying too much about things out of my control and procrastinating on the core things I need to do.  Twinned with growing work, business accountabilities and calendar pressure I find myself in a terrible state of self-care; I’m clearly not in a good place.

HEAVY RAIN – out of Pyridostigmine


Isolated and in Pain

A Black Man in the UK can easily feel hunted and cornered.  Now in my early 50’s I feel like a survivor having dodged a few “Hulk” moments but I realise it’s not so easy for many of my brethren out there.

This made me stop, think and give Thanks

Pain tolerance

It’s been over a year since my last tooth extraction.  It took two burly male dentists to get those sucker teeth out of my head.  Leading up to the operation the pain was so bad I couldn’t think or walk properly.  I cried daily to myself.

The memory pain faded pretty fast as I pushed it deep in the past…but sometimes it’s good to remember the pain, learn from the pain.

What the “bleep-bleep” is that for?

You ruined my life and I hate myself for allowing it to happen, I failed with blunt indecision but not anymore. Rationalisation comes with plenty of unintended consequences, no more playground fun, no more “why” questions and it’s all so quiet now.

I’ve started on a new study path that will take me 6 to 8 months to complete.  After that, it’ll be academically satisfied for till 2020.

No meds today, no pain today

Trophy grinding

My first gym session of the year felt great last night and is the perfect antidote to my PS4 Withdrawal. Grinding my way every night through FallOut4 will have to wait for now.

One pretty bad side effect is my tendency to trigger real-world arguments to feed my Amygdala.  There is nothing better than a “good” argument to say the things you normally keep to yourself.  Of course, for me, arguments have an even worst side effect of sparking MG symptoms of sleepiness and chronic fatigue.

Leaving my PS4 in another country is pretty much the only way I could whine myself off my trophy hunting addiction.

So, the extra 20+ hours I week I’ll gain from no gameplay will be spent on watching Twitch, research study, Movies and exercise.  Most of all I need to work on my Cryptocurrency portfolio.  After the last quarters rise in Coin values, the average business person is acutely aware of the potential and looking for stables ways to make a big buck.

I came across a new breed of company a few weeks ago.  Hash Power Service provider meets Network marketing is an interesting blend that makes it easy for anyone to buy-in but it seems these hybrid business models for Cryptocurrency try to paint too much of a pretty picture for the consumer.  In the meantime,  the Meltdown vulnerability makes it clear that hardware Wallets are probably the way to go in the long-term.

30 mins cardio yesterday…no meds