Category: Manhood

It’s a man world

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All of Life’s Problems

“To alcohol! The cause of… and solution to… all of life’s problems”

Matt Groening

Dad used to give me generous pocket money until he got me a job in Tesco in Baker’s Arms, Leyton, London at age 16.  I quickly fell in and out of debt but realised that no money meant no girls and no fun.

The cause of…and solution to my problems has always been money.

Obsessed with balancing the books

The biggest thing I worry about when it comes to money

Actually, it’s probably the fear of not having an income, I have been working for over 32 years straight.

I wish Subject H would take care of money for me

All my life I’ve wondered what a luxury it would be if another human being could take care of things for me like Dad did.  Just give me an allowance to spend as I like.  Unfortunately, no one like that exists in my life.

Whenever I think about money and finances, I feel

My situation awareness has always been pretty sharp, typically using accountant tools to create a balance sheet. I use it to avoid panic and sentimental ideas.

I’m on the defence right now so feel nervous and angry about my negative Net Worth.  I normally avoid risk but my warning, to those close to me, was ignored so now I find myself in exactly the position I was scared of.

The most expensive thing I want is

I think a new car is top of the list. Not sure what type or in which country.  Well, actually,  I want a car in Florida, London and Vienna.

What I find interest about money is

it’s ability to take me to new worlds and meet new people

 

Continue reading “All of Life’s Problems”

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Snow in April

This just sums up my year so far, Tales of the Unexpected.

Woke up to snow this morning.

I’d already ditched all my gloves and winter wear thinking it was all over and had to scrabble around for layers of clothing to keep warm.

Day 2 of no PS4

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Man down

Plenty of uncertainty in my life over the next 4 weeks so I’ve opted for the unthinkable, PS4 decommissioning.

Parting from my PS4 is such sweet sorry

Yes, no games for the foreseeable future, well at least until I know where I will be sleeping.

I’ll probably be watching lots of Twitch.TV and thankfully Netflix now has a download offline option.

An old source fronted me some money via a proxy to get me out of this jam that I didn’t even cause.  Unfortunately, I don’t have the time or luxury to contemplate the major repercussions from taking the money.

This is just one of those things I’ll be pondering on my death bed staring up at the ceiling waiting for Jesus to take me. And believe me when I say, I’ve looked straight into the eyes of two dying husbands on separate occasions and the same look of regret haunts me till today.

So while I can still care for myself………

Let’s Play the Music and Dance.  (1936 by Irving Berlin)

No meds today 
Last catastrophic event Friday 7-April 08:20
Subject A suffered massive memory loss, chronic paranoia and delusional episodes.

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Clocks change…..At Last

So much for planning sessions, I meant to schedule planned alone time for Horizon Zero Dawn™ but the game is so addictive that my sessions are running between 2-3 hours.

I’m even running 2 parallel games exploring different choice experiences.

Time to leave the Man Cave

Ok back to the drawing board.

Clocks move forward in a few hours. This is such a pivotal time for me, I can now wake up and walk out of my hibernation Man Cave. The so-called SAD (Seasonal affective disorder) season has less impact on me nowadays but the absolute joy of blues sky, blossom and birds singing just reminds me to wake up and live life.

Things I should have done last  summer

Prepared for Winter.....avoided Europe

Ditched the things that make me sad

Got a new wardrobe of clothes

Set up roots....stopped living out of a carry-on suitcase
Last Summer I visited Everybody’s Gone To The Rapture™
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Beaten with an idiot stick….Being your Fool

I keep chasing Fool’s Gold

My Chess ELO has risen to 1200 but I can confirm that in life I am still getting beaten with my very own Idiot Stick.

Since Monday 13-March, my day has been dominated by the emotional side of my brain.

Task orientated things are being missed and delayed. It’s great to plan for ones’ future but the here and now requires me to wake up.

My idiot stick has always been Love. It makes me do things I wouldn’t ordinarily contemplate.  I’ve chased Fool’s Gold and been left standing there afterwards trying to figure out where I went wrong only to go do the same thing again and again.

Now how do I balance and master both emotional and logical?

Continue reading “Beaten with an idiot stick….Being your Fool”

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Urgent but not Important

I’ve always tried to focus on the important stuff like planning for a child’s birthday or my tax returns.

The struggle is handling things that are just constantly in your face. Mainly other people’s agenda, issues or crisis.

I’m busy….leave me alone

I sit here like a stress sponge constantly soaking up unbearable anxiety and grieve.

For private technical requests, I use a help desk system to ease the stress.

This has the bonus benefit or resolving the issue faster and focuses in on the precise issue. Most times the end-user just wants to vent to a human.

Could I switch career at this stage?  Someone floated the idea to me last week. It’s risky but hard to avoid InfoSec right now and quite frankly I don’t want to do anything else.

My chess game has deteriorated below 800 Elo right now. I simply cannot concentrate.

Booking up London flights for May, June and August in a couple of weeks.