GAME, WORK, GAME, EAT, SLEEP, GAME
ClickOnyxDC Always on PlayStation®5, Always Rambling
I’ve decided to take early retirement at Level 60 on FallOut 4, freeing up hard drive space and preparing for FarCry 5. In the meantime, I’ll do the last Global Event in March on Tom Clancy’s The Division just to get some Loot with a chance of exotic weapons and classified gear.
Right now, I’m full of winter excuses for not hitting the gym but have at least I’ve started studying again.
No meds today, No exercise for over 50 days
It’s been over a year since my last tooth extraction. It took two burly male dentists to get those sucker teeth out of my head. Leading up to the operation the pain was so bad I couldn’t think or walk properly. I cried daily to myself.
The memory pain faded pretty fast as I pushed it deep in the past…but sometimes it’s good to remember the pain, learn from the pain.
You ruined my life and I hate myself for allowing it to happen, I failed with blunt indecision but not anymore. Rationalisation comes with plenty of unintended consequences, no more playground fun, no more “why” questions and it’s all so quiet now.
I’ve started on a new study path that will take me 6 to 8 months to complete. After that, it’ll be academically satisfied for till 2020.
No meds today, no pain today
In less than 3 days the Second Life effect has kicked in. Playing The Division as a 4 player squad commits you in a different way than any single player game ever could. Firstly, there is the session commitment where it would not good form to quit unexpectedly. Unfortunately, this is often the case if you pay attention to your physical life and a 2-3 hour session is broken in the middle of a mission so you can bath the cat WTF.
A strong feeling of ‘must do better’ strokes your ego as you seek to improve your abilities and skills so you can bring a brilliant experience to the team.
Knowing when to stop as a team without bad feelings is key as well as actually playing with like-minded people. Of course, this just relates to titles where you have full voice chat enabled.
Titles like Star Wars BattleFront give you the mass experience when 20+ players can jump in and out of games without it really getting too personal.
There’s a real distortion of your physical world and you could easily miss important events like Weddings and such.
For now, I’m deleting The Division to focus on more self-paced titles.
Slept in the daytime, no meds today
I jumped back into Tom Clancy’s The Division after seeing that one of my high talent streamers was in the early ranks. Joining a squad is the best way to succeed in this title and even though I have fairly decent guns and gear it felt like I was being carried up the Dark Zone ranks.
There are so many areas IRL that I need to be carried.
At times the sheer weight of being the decision maker all the time is simply too much. I gladly followed the squad leader into battle and occasionally performed well enough for team mission success. Back IRL I’m using new strategies and staying healthy.
Get off my back, I can’t carry you anymore
I promptly starting preparing for the Monday morning blitz on my senses. I found myself delaying the morning commute and slowing packing my mobile office for relocation but wait….it’ Sunday. I haven’t spoken to a real-life person in 48 hours and the curtains have been drawn throwing out my perception of time.
My devices confirm, Yes, it is Sunday but I’m dreading Monday. Dreading having to see people, talk, explain, attend meetings, reason and give my opinion on anything. Second-hand bereavement, like group bereavement, is a stealth problem that creeps up on you. When Timothy Hampton died, 1 day before my birthday, I was sent into a downward swirl of unjustified grief. I had so many reasons to be happy yet this unexplained tragic death forced me to deny my very existence.
Almost 9 years later the overwhelming emotions of second-hand loss are here again. It’s like I don’t deserve to be sad, after all it wasn’t my Loved One, yet the feeling is here as real as anything and nobody knows it but me.
I found a few opinions on the stages of bereavement so hope I can fast track to Acceptance and hope soon.
Absolute denial Pain & guilt Anger & bargaining "depression", reflection, loneliness Turning point – Clearing out Reconstructing your Life Acceptance & hope
Today is Sunday
At age 14, I strategically used Valentines Day to anonymously share my feelings with girls I fancied or admired in class and watch from a safe distant never revealing myself in person.
Today it’s almost impossible to be truly anonymous and successful hiding is actually frowned upon as freakish and creepy. The same techniques to surprise a Loved One can be used to destroy, mislead or corrupt without trace but It comes down to moral intentions and belief systems. Valentine’s Day is the perfect excuse to bring out the undetected schemer in you.
Stealth: The ability to reach and/or kill your target without detection.
Stealth mood is one of the most satisfying gaming strategies built into a wide genre of titles, in fact, many games award or punish you based on your stealth skills. I’m rather addicted to stealth IRL and in my digital playgrounds, the best penetration testers often adopt this mindset to their core.
“The quieter you become, the more you are able to hear.” Kali OS