Month: February 2018

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Today is Sunday

I promptly starting preparing for the Monday morning blitz on my senses.  I found myself delaying the morning commute and slowing packing my mobile office for relocation but wait….it’ Sunday.  I haven’t spoken to a real-life person in 48 hours and the curtains have been drawn throwing out my perception of time.

My devices confirm, Yes, it is Sunday but I’m dreading Monday.  Dreading having to see people, talk, explain, attend meetings, reason and give my opinion on anything.  Second-hand bereavement, like group bereavement, is a stealth problem that creeps up on you.  When Timothy Hampton died, 1 day before my birthday, I was sent into a downward swirl of unjustified grief. I had so many reasons to be happy yet this unexplained tragic death forced me to deny my very existence.

Hellblade: Senua’s Sacrifice wakes the voice in your head.

Almost 9 years later the overwhelming emotions of second-hand loss are here again.  It’s like I don’t deserve to be sad, after all it wasn’t my Loved One, yet the feeling is here as real as anything and nobody knows it but me.

I found a few opinions on the stages of bereavement so hope I can fast track to Acceptance and hope soon.

Absolute denial
Pain & guilt
Anger & bargaining
"depression", reflection, loneliness
Turning point – Clearing out
Reconstructing your Life
Acceptance & hope

Today is Sunday

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Excuses to stealth

At age 14, I strategically used Valentines Day to anonymously share my feelings with girls I fancied or admired in class and watch from a safe distant never revealing myself in person.

Today it’s almost impossible to be truly anonymous and successful hiding is actually frowned upon as freakish and creepy.  The same techniques to surprise a Loved One can be used to destroy, mislead or corrupt without trace but It comes down to moral intentions and belief systems. Valentine’s Day is the perfect excuse to bring out the undetected schemer in you.

Stealth: The ability to reach and/or kill your target without detection.

Stealth mood is one of the most satisfying gaming strategies built into a wide genre of titles, in fact, many games award or punish you based on your stealth skills.  I’m rather addicted to stealth IRL and in my digital playgrounds, the best penetration testers often adopt this mindset to their core.

“The quieter you become, the more you are able to hear.”  Kali OS

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Make me redundant

In my early career, the word redundancy used to strike fear into my well-being. Decades later it’s a place a comfort and represents resilience.  Backing up the backup and testing the back-up routinely is an easy habit to adopt. Sadly. For  many end users, they simply store all their precious data on a single device with unknown backup status.

Where’s my data?

A family member nearly lost over 5000 images because they critically failed to even grasp the relevance of backup or data management.

The strategy should always be protecting the data first and the end-point device second but unfortunately, we love our shiny phones way too much to think that way.

Zero gameplay or medication today

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Yesterday, I failed

I failed to back up a MacBook

I failed to restore a Windows 10 laptop

…and I failed to see my long-time friend before he died of Cancer.

The reasons for failure are never easy to accept and we are told to learn from the experience. I let excuses, superficial barriers and distractions taint my objectives and this is clearly only my fault.

RIP My Network guru…I will never forget you.

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The End is the Beginning

Proverbs 8:1
Does not wisdom call out?
Does not understanding raise her voice?

With this info filled world of facts, opinions and fake news how do you find wisdom?  Some unexpected sad news meant I’m back on my PS4 and was able to clean up some left-over quests on FallOut 4.

I’ve never actively hunted wisdom but my thirst for knowledge is always there.  Seems I’ve focussed on skill and totally ignored wisdom.

My self-reliance abandoned wisdom a long time ago, the folk I would lean to as being wise have all died and I’m left with an overload of data and options.  The next few days will be crucial and mark the circle of Life in some many ways.

What I do next will be impossible to erase